a review by Kevin Wilson
Date: February 28th, 2015
Location: Shin-Kiba 1st Ring
Announced Attendance: 666 (yes, really)
Sometimes I dive really deep into the forgotten realms of puroresu to review something so bizarre and random that I can’t even find a match listing online for it in English. So I will likely spend more time researching who these wrestlers are than I will actually spend reviewing the event. Fun! Here is the full card as I have determined it:
- Mame Endo, Shinobu, and Yuiga vs. Masato Shibata, Masashi Takeda, and Kotaro Nasu
- Abdullah Kobayashi and Grandpa vs. Konaka = Pale One and K666
- GOEMON and Onryo vs. Kouzy and YANAGAWA
- KANA and Makoto vs. Kama and Nene D.a.i.
- Nise Giant Baba and Baisen TAGAI vs. Yuko Miyamoto and Kunihiko Mitamega
Now Triplesix opted to not air the match I was most looking forward to, to encourage people to go to their shows live. Needless to say this does not make me happy.
Mame Endo, Shinobu, and Yuiga vs. Masato Shibata, Masashi Takeda, and Kotaro Nasu
Yuiga and Takeda start off as Yuiga lies on the mat as apparently Triplesix is going to be stupid right from the get-go. Shinobu runs in and kicks Yuiga (yes, her teammate) so she gets up. Yuiga tags in Shinobu, Takeda pushes Shinobu in the ropes but Shinobu wraps his legs around Takeda. Endo is dancing on the ramp during all of this, for what it matters. Shoulderblock by Takeda but Shinobu hits a dropkick and tags in Yuiga. Takeda tags in Shibata as Endo gets in the ring, Yuiga kicks Shibata low when nothing else works and with Endo they stomp on him. Shibata slams Yuiga and tags Nasu. Slam by Nasu but Yuiga raises her shirt and pushes Nasu into her chest. She tags in Shinobu and Shinobu kicks Nasu in the groin. Shinobu tags in Yuiga and both she and Endo I guess bite Nasu in the groin. Shinobu pushes Yuiga to the ground and then rubs Nasu’s face into her groin. I’m going to need a shower after this match. Nasu dropkicks Yuiga and tags in Takeda. Shibata comes in too as Yuiga can’t even take an Irish whip right, but in the end she is double teamed in the corner. Double vertical suplex to Yuiga but the cover is broken up. Shinobu and Endo help Shibata splash Yuiga in the corner as all five of them hit running strikes on her. No idea why her own teammates keep attacking her. Shibata lariats Endo and Shinobu, then Yuiga eats a double suplex. Shibata hits a reverse splash on Yuiga but Shinobu throws him out of the ring. Shinobu then hits an Asai Moonsault onto Shibata and Takeda, while in the ring Yuiga hits the flying crotch attack onto Nasu. The referee starts counting but Nasu gives up before he can get to three, making Shinobu and crew the winners. Clearly this was awful which you probably picked up on if you read any of that. Comedy matches have to be funny, otherwise they are just stupid. This was definitely stupid, as really only the pin made me laugh but that was only because he tapped out due to her awful smelling vagina so fast the referee didn’t get to three count first. Otherwise it was dreck. Score: 2.5
Abdullah Kobayashi and Grandpa vs. Konaka = Pale One and K666
Grandpa and Konaka begin the match, Grandpa with his cane of course. He’s old you know. They meditate together for a few minutes until Konaka starts running the ropes while Grandpa watches. They end up back on the mat again (this is enthralling) but K666 pushes them over to help Konaka get a two count cover. Grandpa tags in Kobayashi but Konaka attacks Kobayashi in the leg. Konaka tags in K666 and Kobayashi limps around due to his now injured leg. Elbows by K666 to Kobayashi and he hits a knee in the corner. K666 is just awful at everything related to professional wrestling. Konaka is tagged in and he knees Kobayashi in the leg. Konaka tags in K666 and K666 applies an ankle hold. Backdrop suplex by Kobayashi and he tags in Grandpa. Morinosu distracts Grandpa from outside the ring and both wrestlers tag out. Kobayashi knocks Konaka to the ground and he nails the Rainmaker! Cover, but K666 breaks it up. Grandpa and Kobayashi both hit Shining Wizards, then Kobayashi hits a heel kick on Konaka. Kobayashi puts Konaka in an abdominal stretch and Konaka submits. I guess this match was better than the last match? Konaka actually isn’t horrible in that he does have some wrestling ability. Grandpa is clearly hampered by the gimmick, and K666 doesn’t seem to know what he is doing. Slow and goofy, but not completely bad. Score: 3.0
GOEMON and Onryo vs. Kouzy and YANAGAWA
This is a scramble ladder match. Onryo and YANAGAWA go up the ladder first but are pulled off. Onryo takes the ladder and gets in a debate with YANAGAWA over it. Onryo hits YANAGAWA with it and YANAGAWA hits an armdrag. Another armdrag by YANAGAWA and he dropkicks Onryo out of the ring. YANAGAWA goes for a pescado but Onryo moves out of the way. Kouzy and GOEMON get in the ring and they trade strikes. GOEMON knocks Kouzy into the corner as Onryo does the same to YANAGAWA, I should point out the are all wearing winter coats and I have absolutely no idea why. Kouzy and YANAGAWA chop GOEMON in the corner but GOEMON punches them both. Onryo and GOEMON shoulderblock YANAGAWA, then Onryo trips YANAGAWA. Onryo picks up YANAGAWA while GOEMON gets the ladder back. GOEMON steps up the ladder while Onryo slams Kouzy. I’m pretending really hard to care but this is just so lackluster and dull. Kouzy is isolated in the ring but he picks up the advantage. Kouzy hits an enzigieri to Onryo and he hits a kick to the head. Kouzy kicks Onryo in the back, he goes off the ropes but he is hit with the ladder from the floor. Onryo gets the ladder but YANAGAWA hits a missile dropkick. YANAGAWA climbs up the ladder, he jumps off but GOEMON hits an atomic drop. YANAGAWA is crunched into the ladder, GOEMON and Onryo set up the ladder in the middle of the ring and debate on who will grab the whatever is hanging up there. Something comes down the ramp and pushes the ladder over, YANAGAWA climbs up the ladder and he grabs the walkie talkie looking item, picking up the win. I wouldn’t mind this if it was inexperienced wrestlers killing each other for my amusement. But this wasn’t that, it was super safe and super slow low level brawling while not really using the ladder was a weapon. Probably the worst ladder match I’ve ever seen. Score: 2.5
KANA and Makoto vs. Kama and Nene D.a.i.
Ok KANA, save the show. KANA starts off with her doppelganger Kama but both tag out. Makoto twists D.a.i.’s arm but D.a.i. reverses it. Armdrag by D.a.i. and he hits a crossbody. KANA and Kama tag in, and my intense love of KANA makes this section better than it really is as she bumps around for Kama. Kama is a guy dressed up like Kana, for whatever that matters. KANA puts Kama in the ropes and hits a hip attack. KANA is definitely having fun as she tags in Makoto, and Makoto applies a camel clutch. Makoto tags in KANA and KANA applies a bodyscissors. Oklahoma Roll by KANA and she tags in Makoto. Makoto twists on Kama’s arm and throws him into the corner. Makoto puts Kama in the corner and kicks him in the ribs. German suplex by Kama and he tags in D.a.i.. D.a.i. hits a missile dropkick and then hits a jumping heel kick for a two count. D.a.i. and Makoto trade blows and D.a.i. hits a Fisherman Suplex for two. Makoto goes off the ropes and boots D.a.i. in the stomach. KANA is tagged in and she hits a hip attack. Kama tags in and he also hits a hip attack. Hip attack by KANA but again Kama returns the favor. They both go for hip attacks but KANA hits a suplex followed by a running hip attack for two. KANA picks up Kama and applies an Octopus Hold. Makoto runs in to take care of D.a.i., but Kama gets to the ropes. KANA tags in Makoto and Makoto hits a diving crossbody. Running doublestomp by Makoto followed by a cartwheel double knee drop. Kama hits Makoto with a lariat and then hits a Northern Lights Suplex for two. Curb stomp by Kama, cover, but KANA breaks it up. Kama goes off the ropes but KANA kicks him in the head and Makoto rolls up Kama for the three count! I don’t know if it is because the rest of the card has sucked or that KANA is one of my top five favorite wrestlers period, but this was actually not bad. It started slow but then it got serious, even Kama (aka THE101 in Kana attire) was hitting actual moves by the end of the match and forgetting about the silly gimmick. This is as good as it is going to get folks, so enjoy it. Score: 6.0
Nise Giant Baba and Baisen TAGAI vs. Yuko Miyamoto and Kunihiko Mitamega
Mitamega and Baba start off, Mitamega rolls up Baba and gets the three count! Mitamega and Miyamoto pick up the win.
Well this is unsatisfactory even by Triplesix standards, so the match re-starts. Baba and Mitamega start off again and Baba does slow motion chops to people. TAGAI is tagged in and he applies an armbar to Mitamega before biting him in the head. TAGAI puts Mitamega in the tree of woe and chokes him. Mitamega dropkicks TAGAI and tags in Miyamoto. Miyamoto takes TAGAI to the mat but TAGAI gets away. Miyamoto runs while TAGAI chops him in the chest and he applies an ankle hold. TAGAI tags in Baba, Baba chops Miyamoto in the head and in the chest and stomps on Miyamoto’s foot. Baba grabs Miyamoto’s arm and jumps up to the top turnbuckle before walking the ropes. Chop by Baba, he jumps over the top rope and chops Miyamoto from the apron. They take it outside the ring and Miyamoto hits TAGAI with a steel chair. Baba gets back in the ring as Mitamega does too, and Baba hits a side Russian leg sweep. Miyamoto gets in and Baba hits a side Russian leg sweep on him as well for a two count. Baba tags in TAGAI, TAGAI puts a band in Mitamega’s mouth and snaps him with it. He tries to do the same to Miyamoto, Miyamoto protests but Baba holds him back. The snap backfires however, and Miyamoto knocks Baba to the apron. Handspring kick by Miyamoto and he tags in Mitamega. Mitamega goes up top, Miyamoto lies in the ring and Mitamega doublestomps on Miyamoto’s chest before hitting a splash on TAGAI. Never seen that spot before. Mitamega goes up top, TAGAI rolls too far away so Miyamoto has to do it again. TAGAI moves this time however, he picks up Mitamega and Mitamega hits an inside cradle for two. Lariat by TAGAI to Mitamega and he tags in Baba. Mitamega gets the stretch band as both he and Miyamoto put it in their mouth and I dunno what they are doing. TAGAI hits Miyamoto, which sends Mitamega into Baba, and Baba hits a side Russian leg sweep. Cover by Baba and he picks up the three count! This was just too slow and again there were wrestler quality issues (not counting Miyamoto). But Nise Giant Baba does have some funny spots and the giant rubber band thing helped mixed things up a bit. Still not particularly good but not unwatchable. Score: 4.5
You may have picked up on this if you read anything I just typed, but I wasn't a big fan of the show. First of all they skipped the match with one of their biggest stars just to encourage people to come see them live, which is unfortunate. Most of the wrestlers on the event just aren't very good, there are no two ways around that, and the comedy was very hit and miss. I am sure this event is right for somebody but it sure as hell isn't me.
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review completed on 3/4/15